Still Painting

As those of you who know me well, know..... I have had a horrible time with art lately. I sit at my art table and almost immediately become frustrated. The paper is ready, the paints are ready, the pencils and eraser are ready, even the water is waiting to rinse a brush for me. But, I'm not ready.

I sit. And, I think "what should I paint?" and no answer comes ...ever. On really good days, I'll hunker down over the table, force myself to pick up a brush, dip it in the water, then into a nice, brilliant color and brush a swatch of it on the paper. I watch the paint move, spread into the paper. I add more color to the wet paint, or maybe add a different color and watch it spread and blend. Still nothing, no inspiration at all. I am very distractable, it's too hot or too cold in the room, Erica walks by the open door, the phone rings. But, the worst distraction is my mind. "What's the point?" "I really don't have time for this, I need to empty the dishwasher before dinner." and the worst one of all... "Maybe tomorrow." Always tomorrow. I drop the paint brush in the water and put my hands in my head. "why can't I paint anymore?"

Then, there is this silly blog. This silly blog that hardly anyone sees or reads. And yet, I love to write here. I love to write anywhere, but, here it's so easy. So I write. Lately I have been writing almost everyday. Why? I don't know. I don't write particularly well. I'm not a horrible writer either. I don't have a lot to say. I don't write stories. I don't write anything really profound. And still, everyday, I'll think of something, anything at all, and I'll think "Ooooh, I want to write about that!." And often I do. I have a little list of things I want to write about that grows everyday. I want to write about my brother and how misunderstood he is. I want to write about children and the wonderful way they see things. I want to right about the rain. And the sun. And the silly things people do in the name of success. And I could go on and on and on.

And ...I realized. My creativity hasn't left. It has just changed. I have traded paint for words. And, I'm painting pictures with those words. However silly or trivial or boring the words are, I am still painting. Creating pictures and places and moods and thoughts.

I am still painting.