The Great Wisdom of the Little People

I was raised a non-denominational Christian. My mother said that we were Episcopalian... a big word for a little kid. She had been raised Catholic in her early years, but when things went sour between her mother and father and they divorced, they were asked politely to find a different church. It was then that her mother found the Episcopal Church...the closest thing to being Catholic, without being Catholic...I was told. I had friends who were church goers and occasionally I would go to vacation bible school with some of those friends. But, as a family, we never attended church that I can remember.

What I do remember is, GOD scared the crap out of me. At churches with my friends He was either a BIG looming statue watching my every step, or a quiet watching presence...I was sure I would screw up somehow and have the wrath of God raining down on my at any moment.

I remember specifically spending the night with Amy McFeeley. I think I was pretty young, five or six maybe. Amy's mom came into her room and got us settled to sleep. The two of them bowed their heads and recited the nightly prayer. I bowed my little head, too, not knowing quite what else to do.

"Now I lay me down to sleep.

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take."

"Whoa, whoa whoa! Wait a minute!" My little brain objected, "If I should die before I wake?? What the heck?? What's going to happen here?? I'm not praying for anyone to take my soul! I'd like to hang on to it, thanks very much! Can I go home now??" None of this I said out loud, but I sure did think it.

When Amy's mom left the room I said, "That's a pretty scary prayer." Amy smiled and pointed to a piece of framed needlework hanging over her bed. The Lord's Prayer. I tried to read it, but most of the meaning escaped me. Then she explained to me how when we die. they believe God will take our souls up to heaven...this I already knew. She went on to explain that they believe one day God will come down to earth and take all the "good people" back to heaven with him. This was just 100% creepy to me. What about the bad people? Or the not-so-good people? What if I wasn't so good the day He decided to show up? How can anyone be that good all the time? How good is good? This bothered me for a long time, and at times when I walked into a church I would get a very creepy feeling.

But, I went about my business and grew up.

When I was 22 I went through a rough time emotionally. I was pretty insecure and I looked for my self worth in other people. My dad, encouraged me to help him in the garden out back. I did this and soon found that I really liked gardening, getting my hands in the dirt and watching the little plants grow. My dad gave me my own section of the garden and I planted herbs there. I bought books about them and sketched them and spent a good part of each day that summer out in the garden amongst my precious plants. Somewhere in there I realized that God was there with me. I can't really explain it, but I knew He was there in the garden with me, listening and watching and smiling. I remembered how I had felt as a child about all of it and laughed.

In 1985, I married a devout Catholic. I was naive and young ...even at 23 ... and thought I was deeply in love. In the midst of having children and trying to learn to be a mother, I attended Catechism classes to learn how to be a good Catholic. I didn't really buy everything they were telling me but I went along with it, for the most part. I did have one argument with Father Burn about the communion biscuit actually turning into a piece of Christ's flesh during the ritual. I argued that it was symbolic, he insisted that the buscuit actually physically changed. I eventually let it pass, though, I felt bad every time I took the biscuit and said "Amen" (I believe)...because I didn't.

We were married for 15 years, and it was not a happy time for either of us. Things were fine while I was being an obedient little wife and not creating any waves, but the minute I spoke my mind or told him what I truly thought about things (gays, abortion, etc.) things went to hell in a hurry. I was not a happy camper and niether was he ...though to this day he won't admit that. We appeared normal on the surface and went to church every Sunday like a good little Catholic family. But, over the years, I found that Catholics were some of the biggest hypocrits I had ever met. In church they would chant along with the priest all about compassion and forgiveness and turning the other cheek and loving all God's children. Outside of church they were something else entirely.

After I left and moved out on my own I dropped the Catholic act. I knew I had never been a very good Catholic, and didn't really want to be one anyway. But, this left me in a kind of religious limbo. If I wasn't Catholic, what was I? I knew I would never abdandon God, or the idea of a great spirit, but I needed a different direction.

I read about some of the pagan branches, which seemed to be right up my alley as I am very drawn to nature. I ruled out Wiccan almost immediately... no witchcraft for me thanks. Next was Druidism, which I realize now I kind of romantisized in my head, being an avid fantasy-fiction reader. I even signed up for a free online course in Druidism. The first couple of lessons in this course pertained to the history of Druids...wow, was that painful. Fifty-five .pdf pages and a couple of online assignments later and I was done. I think they lost me when they said the ancient druids had the power to change the weather. Though I still think there is some "druid" in me.

Next I played around with the idea of Shamanism, another earth-based religious/spiritual path. I liked the ideas behind it but somehow it just didn't grab me. At the time I was becoming increasingly frustrated and disheartened. I just didn't seem to fit in anywhere.

I emailed my sister, Barb, in Alaska and asked her if she had any pagan friends. I desparately wanted to talk to someone. She called me a few days later and we talked for a while. She didn't really have any pagan friends but she and I talked a bit about religion and spirituality and she suggested that I listen to these cd's she had. She said they were different and I might not like them at all, but I was willing to try anything. She said she would get them to me somehow and I promptly forgot about it.

October rolled around and I went to my mom's one day and found that Barb had sent me a birthday present, a beautiful bowl her husband had made. I always love getting gifts from her because, they are usually something really wonderful and I seldom expect them. Inside the bowl, in 7 brightly colored envelopes were 7 cds...The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. "Huh" I thought and took them home and there they sat for a while. A month or two later I saw the discs sitting on my desk and thought, "I really should give those a try". I took them out to my car... the most likely place for them to be heard. I popped one in one morning and was immediately gripped. I have been listening to his stuff on and off ever since. It makes real true sense to me.

In his work, Eckhart Tolle quotes, Jesus, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Lao-tzu, Carl Jung amongst others. Being curious, I started looking these people up. Jesus, of course, was familiar to me, as was the Dalai Lama to a small extent. But it was when I looked up Lao-tzu, the author of the Tao Te Ching, that something really hit home. I went home and downloaded Stephen Mitchell's translation of the Tao Te Ching in audiobook format. I also downloaded The Art of Happiness by his Holiness the Dalai Lama and psychiatrist Howard C. Cutler.

The bottom line of all of these is...we create our own suffering. If we can learn to except what is, and stop resisting life as it comes we will be more at peace. If we can let go of the past and learn to differentiate our minds from our true selves, we will be happier people. If we can abandon our egos we can be 'one with life'. These are wonderfully simple concepts but difficult to grasp and even harder to live by.

This morning I was out for my walk. It was a gorgeous crispy sunny morning. The sun had not quite risen over the hills but was shining brightly on the tops of the trees I was walking under. I love looking up into the trees at this time of day, like a child. Full of wonder.

I was suddenly struck by a thought. These philosophies are very "child like". The world is beautiful, accept it as it is. Look at everything, be alive and awake. Don't judge, just be and let be.

It was so perfectly simple!

Very small children see the world with a sense of wonder. Nothing is ugly, they don't know the meaning of ugly. They don't judge, they have nothing to compare to. They just watch, feel, smell, taste, listen and learn. They don't have the baggage adults do. And while I walked I thought to myself... "Be a child again".

• Laugh when something is funny ...even if it's not "appropriate"
• Cry when you hurt ...do it freely.
• Be compassionate always ...hug someone when you think they are sad.
• Play like you remember how...splash in a mud puddle and get it all over you.
• Don't judge ...black, white, brown or yellow, we're all just children and the world is our playground.
• Love the creatures of the earth and all their diversity. Remember when a misquito bites you, he needs to eat too. Or when a bee stings, he is just trying to defend himself with his little built-in dagger.
• Eat ice cream sometimes ...when you should be eating broccoli.
• Scream when you're mad ...then let it go and go play with the person you were mad at.
• Don't ever pretend to be something you're not ...unless you're going to dress-up, too.
• Girls .. wear pig tails. Give the boys something to pull on.
• Learn something new everyday ...not to be wiser, but because it's fun!

After thinking about this for a bit, the world seemed brighter. I felt lighter, freer, and much, much happier. I carried this with me all day. I hope tomorrow I will remember to be a child again.

It is wonderful to think that maybe the littlest people in this world are actually the wisest. I want to be like that when I grow up.