Misty Mornings and Garbage

Thursday... Garbage Day... not a pleasant reality, but a reality none the less. Someone has to get the trash out to the end of the driveway before noon. Now this is no great feat, it's just one of those unpleasant little chores no one at my house wants to do, especially in the winter.

Cold, damp, misty morning. I got out of bed, pulled on my boots and a sweat jacket, poured a cup of coffee, took a sip and headed out. With the sleeves of my sweet jacket pulled over my hands like mittens, I grabbed the handle of the garbage bin and headed down the pot-hole-ridden gravel driveway. Weaving around mud puddles, bracing the bin against the bumps and dips, I got it out there, positioned it by the side of the road and stopped.

It was not raining, just overcast. I looked around. The stillness, and the green ...wow the green! I decided right then and there that I would go for a walk.

So, for twenty minutes or so I walked, just up and down our little street. At first my left knee protested, I was wearing shorts and it was not liking this. But after a short bit, it relented and was fine with it.

I tried very hard not to think about much of anything, except my surroundings. The evergreens towering over me, the underbrush and the dead fall from the winter storms, the wee little plants just starting to poke up through the damp old brown leaves of last fall. A recently fallen branch, splayed out on the side of the road like the broken wing of some great green bird. A million shades of green. Some bright, almost flourescent. Some dark and moody. Moss everywhere. And oh, the birds, and their lovely spring banter. It wasn't a dark dreary morning at all, it was a beautiful morning!

I felt alive, like a little kid again. The unfettered mind of a child, not brooding over past pain, or hoping for some salvation from the future. I was just there...alive, present and conscious.

And I think that's what really got me...was the consciousness I felt. Too much of the time, I am not "here" ..."now". I'm thinking about something from the past... "why did he say that?" , "why did he look at me that way?", "I can't believe she did that to me!" Or about the future, "I wish we had a house of our own." "I should paint." "I really need to ..." Not that all of these thoughts are bad ones, though the ones from the past are just negative and mostly worthless. It was wonderful to be alive, and be fully present on that little street back in the woods. No past, no future, just right here...right now.

What an incredibly liberating feeling. What a gift our beautiful outdoor surroundings are.

Maybe I'll do it again soon... maybe I won't wait for garbage to motivate me.